Jack.
THE WILSON RIVER IN AUGUST
We planned an escape from the Portland heat
by way of the coast. Our expectations
got the better of us. We ate a dreary seaside
lunch bemused and convinced
of the need for relaxation elsewhere.
We found a swimming hole just off the highway
where rural kids proved something
to themselves by hurling their only bodies
off a bridge two stories
high at least. I stood gaping from the gray
beach. One smiled
and waved, “Hello!” And when I waved mutely
back he flashed his teeth, turned and sprang
off, spread eagle into the green eddies.
Is this a certain form, or simply your own? I don't recognize forms no good. Think you could let me know what they will be in the future?
ReplyDeleteContent:
Line Breaks: Excellent. The very first one is the best. "by way of the coast" is able to stand alone well, but also works fine for the rest of the poem and this is demonstrated in said line break. The weakest one is line nine, but even that one is nice.
Vocabulary: I like nice, odd words, not big, per se. Just a little off. In this poem, however, you use the simplest of vocabulary and phrasing, demonstrating the simplicity of this journey in essence.
I'd like it to be longer. What'd you do on the drive back to Portland?